Renaming of Snowdonia Made Permanent After Great Success at Annoying the English

Eryri National Park Authority have announced that their decision to use the Welsh name over Snowdonia, and Yr Wyddfa instead of Snowdonia will be made permanent after proving a success at its main goals: Protecting the Welsh Language, improving national pride, and annoying the English.

"It makes every Welsh person very proud," said Rhys Jones, the National Park's spokesperson. "We always delight at looking blankly at tourists when they ask where 'eerie' is, rather than the correct pronunciation of 'Ehruhre'. Or we send them on the road back to England, after charging them £5 for a cup of tea and slice of Bara Brith."

Members of the Welsh Assembly welcomed the move, with one remarking, "Protecting our heritage while also infuriating tourists is a great win-win. We particularly enjoy the irony of taking money from English types who complain about people not making an effort to integrate or learn the language after they've spent money on holiday homes in Wales."

image from pixabay

Rhyl limits visitors to protect town from over-tourism

Rhyl bosses have declared an immediate crackdown on mass tourism in order to protect the ancient harbour resort from the damaging effects of international besiegement. A city official claimed, ‘On one morning last year, we had 12 out of towners at peak time. The town’s infrastructure just cannot cope.’

Situated at the apex of ‘the North Wales Golden Triangle’ above Denbigh and Mold, Rhyl has for centuries attracted sun and attractions loving Europeans to its historic public park with a quaint café. ‘But now,’ went on the official, ‘We have the Chinese as well. I’m worried the steps leading to the botanical gardens will fall into the sea.’

Locals have also expressed frustration at the sheer numbers of tourists. ‘I don’t mind them personally,’ remarked Mrs Dai Lanaffly. ‘Some of them's good people, the ones who stay in their car and drive straight through. It’s the ones who loiter and take photos and expect things that I don’t like,’

In response, Rhyl is instituting a number of measures. There will be a 100 euro entrance fee applied on all of the area’s peak summer weather days, between July 30th and sundown July 30th. Large cruise ships will be refused docking at Rhyl harbour should any ever attempt it, which they won't.

image from pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com

Port Talbot to focus on producing actors

With the sad news that the blast furnaces at Port Talbot steelworks are closing today, signalling another milestone in the decline of heavy industry in Britain, the city authorities have announced they will now be focussing on producing actors instead.

'For a small city, we have an incredible track record in this area - Richard Burton, Anthony Hopkins, Michael Sheen... and yes, I suppose, Rob Brydon as well. So we just have to work how we were doing it, and do it some more.'

Plans have been drawn up to turn the site of the blast furnaces into a huge drama school, inevitably named The Drama Furnace, with all local kids to be offered free places, whether they show any talent or interest or not.

However, some have queried whether producing more actors would really help Port Talbot, since they’d most likely move to Hollywood as soon as they got famous - or in Rob Brydon’s case, Strawberry Hill in the south west London suburbs.

'And anyway, what if instead of more Richard Burtons, we end up producing more James Cordens - more Gavins than Staceys if you will. We'd have to go back to mining coal.'

Image: stafichukanatoly - Pixabay