Following an initiative from a London law firm, the Ministry of Defence has said many soldiers have agreed to take a pay cut to work from home. They denied the decision by squaddies is to avoid having to work from the Polish border instead.
'The army is full of resourceful people and we believe it is possible to practice marching in step with a couple of hundred virtual avatars on a Peloton and Call of Duty is a perfect way to practise tactics and weapon drills,' said a MoD spokesperson today. Critics have pointed out that people parking tanks in suburban areas was already a problem, and if they have to move their BMW SUVs so that the army workers can park at home the situation will likely become worse.
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A Norfolk man had face-binned his breakfast, brunch and a three-course luncheon at his desk by 10:27am it has been confirmed.
Spreadsheet-shuffler Rod Flannigan foolishly placed his transparent lunch box within the viewing angle of his laptop screen when starting work and was subsequently seen chowing down in anger before anyone had even made tea, according to witnesses.
‘I made the classic mistake of thinking I'd just have a bite of flapjack whilst firing up Outlook, which of course was bound to escalate! Before I knew what was happening I had grapes and Dairylea in my gob at the same time and my own hands force-fed me peanuts relentlessly like some Hadean punishment for gluttony' Rod admitted of the feeding frenzy that would have made a Great White Shark look like a fussy eater.
'It was like a starving lion neck deep in a zebra's ribcage' recounted a shaken colleague. ‘When I looked up there were crumbs and organic debris flying across the table as his substantial rations disintegrated into that howling maw in a matter of seconds. I got a crisp shard in my eye, McCoy’s Beef Flavour I think'.
Flannigan was later hosed down and put back to work in a dazed state before being spotted queuing at the chip van at 11:45, eating a sausage roll.
‘It’s something about work, I don’t eat like this at home’ he added. ‘We don’t have a chip van’.