Influencers rebranded Outfluencers

Futureologist channel marketing guru, MadeiraWhine69 explained in snooty tones, 'Rather like the difference between inflow and outflow to one's home, an Influencer is really an Outfluents pipe of sewage, pumping rampant consumerism to the hypnotically challenged.

The ins and outs of an industry which operates more as an outdustry are that incomes are responsible for catastrophic global outcomes.'

So self absorbed by the way their looks might be perceived by millions of followers, Jen.It. All vomited for three days straight at the idea of being called an Outie instead of an Innie.

Nipple to nipple tattoo sporter of the other type of cola, Pouty Beaver, was so out of hair flicks that their lip filler popped all over the webcam, leaving themself and their designer bedroom covered in a sticky residue.

Second highest revenue stream provider VibroDonkey™ turned off the inward cashflow with immediate effect, outsourcing 1000% of promotional budget to AI deepfake pornography.

The fashion industry faces high cheekbone collapse due to 14,000% of its offshore holdings being maintained on Epstein Island.

Thousands of toddlers march in protest at proposed screen time restrictions

Central London was brought to a standstill yesterday as thousands of toddlers marched to Downing Street in protest at the Government’s proposed restrictions on screen time for children and young people

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said London Police Commissioner Sir Mark Rowley-Powley.” “Most marches have a sense of direction, but this one was entirely random. They were meant to be going to Downing Street, but they kept getting distracted. One group decided to have a tea party in the middle of Oxford Circus – they had brought plastic cups and saucers with them. It was quite sweet, actually. They saw a homeless man with his dog and invited him to join them. Another group found their way to Hamleys and are believed to be still in the store.

“We also saw a large group of, I guess, two-year-olds who made their way to the Diana Memorial Garden where they played in the water. They loved seeing the horses.”

Police had to use cranes to pick some boys from the top of trees in Hyde Park. When they got them safely on the ground, two boys rushed at officers and reached to touch them screaming ‘COD! Nazi Zombies. You’re it!!’”

Questions remain about how the marchers got into central London in the first place. Police discovered a line of people carriers near Marble Arch, with drivers who could have been parents but claimed to be Uber drivers. They were all on their phones. There was also a fleet of nursery buses. Police discovered one boy proudly showing an officer a homemade pedal extension.

“I found out how to do it on You Tube,” he beamed. “It’s so cool.”

image from Grok

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‘We could run out of make-up within days’ warn Dubai influencers

‘We could run out of make-up within days,’ warn Dubai influencers

Influencers across Dubai have warned that make-up supplies and beauty product are running low and could run out within days unless the Government acts now to replenish their dwindling stocks.

You Tube influencer Gemma from South London said the Government must step in to make sure beauty products and top brand merchandise can reach those that need it most.

‘This war could not have come at a worse time’ said Gemma…..’I’ve got a whole new range of Satin Kajal liquid eyeliner to promote and my internet connection could go down at any minute.

'The support we have had from the English Government has been woeful so far….It’s almost as if we influencers are irrelevant, of no importance….. It is terrible that people are dying….I get that. But I’m trying to sell leading brands of eye-liner and nail polish here….I can’t do that with bombs and guns lighting up the sky in the background of my You Tube feed.

'I’ve got 100,000 followers waiting to see me applying skin tone to my cheek bones later tonight…..I’ve got a new rich cool-toned product endorsed by Hollywood celebrities. Nobody wants to hear the sound of ambulance sirens and fire fighters drowning out my interview with Selena.

'Even everyday things like cotton wool are running low….those selfish people at the hospital are stock piling it all and making an influencers life virtually impossible.

'If it carries on like this for much longer I would like the Government to send a Gulfstream to get me and my two cats out of here.

'There are times when life can be so unfair’.

Image: armennano - Pixabay

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