Cat consortium makes bid for YouTube

A collection of senior cats have made a surprise offer to purchase the online video service, YouTube, from it's parent company Google.

The  consortium is headed up by Top Cat, Larry the Downing Steet Cat, Bagpuss and the Cheshire Cat with the plasticine dog, Gromit, as a silent partner.

A spokesfeline, Mr Fluffykins, said "It's about time we were taken seriously, we've calculated that 90% of YouTube videos involve cats so it's about time that the 'talent' took control of the medium as many of the videos makes cats look ridiculous."

Image: cocoparisienne - Pixabay

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Jake Paul to Fight Ghost of Joe Louis

In an attempt to legitimise his step into professional boxing, YouTube star Jake Paul has revealed his next fight shall be against the man widely revered as the greatest boxer of all time; former world champion, the late Joe Louis.

Speaking after his points win over the 58-year-old Mike Tyson, the 27-year-old said he now looked to cement his legacy through fights with all the heavyweight greats, telling us, 'My management team have got a plan: Louis, Marciano, then Ali, all through a mixture of AI and representation via seance. I'm going to take all of them in my stride. My career should have been ended by me appearing with dead people back in 2018 during that visit to Japan, so, like the Ghostbusters used to say, I ain't afraid of no ghost!"

Like his last fight, Texas has already sanctioned the matchup, despite The Brown Bomber being 111-years-old; and dead for the last 43. Colonel Stacey Haymaker, head of State's Boxing Council, gave an explanation at the post-Tyson fight Press Conference, telling everyone, "Jake will be fighting a Holographic depiction controlled by a top psychic channelling the former Heavyweight Champion. Yes, we know there's room for accusations of fight fixing, and this risks throwing an even darker shadow over professional boxing, but the match already carries more credit than fights promoted by Don King."

The match is scheduled for April 2025, once a medium can persuade Louis to leave heaven's golf courses and start training.

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Posh YouTubers solve cost of living crisis by not shopping at Waitrose

A pair of upper class YouTube stars are being hailed as heroes after devising an ingenious method for money saving during a time of financial instability for many families. Coining it ‘LowWaitrose’, their suggestion is that struggling households can save important pennies by limiting how much they shop at Waitrose supermarkets. In a new video the pair described this trick with their distinctly Etonian accents:

‘It’s a universal feeling to enjoy a good Waitrose shop, but we actually saved money by getting our groceries from places other than Waitrose - a huge life hack I’m not sure many families are aware of. It will still be there for your essential grocery items, like a Duck Parfait or Truffle Oil, but we think limiting your Waitrose exposure could really make a dent in this cost of living crisis. We even came across this niche German supermarket called Lidl and let me tell you the mini-pizzas are sublime.’

The online stars then went on to describe how even though they personally didn’t need to change their shopping habits, they understand how many people are affected by the soaring food prices.

‘While we can more than afford to get a Waitrose Finest Bronze Turkey on a regular basis, we understand how for so many people that dream has become really difficult. You should really be in the loop about a place called Sainsbury’s, even though you might not find us shopping there.’

On social media the YouTubers hinted that in their next video they would be tackling the NHS waiting lists by using Private Healthcare.

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