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Corbyn’s new party could provide 'limitless source of cheap energy'


Scientists today announced they’ve discovered a way to turn the factional infighting of Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana’s Your Party into a limitless source of cheap energy.


'The trouble with existing hydrogen-based fission reactors is that you have to put the material under extreme heat and pressure to make it split into its component parts,' explained Dr Bunsen Honeydew. 'So most of the energy you get out, you have to put straight back in to keep the reaction going.


'But this new material, yourpartium, is incredible - you just need a tiny amount and it gets overheated and starts splitting all by itself. In fact, some experiments suggest you just need a single atom of corbynium and one of sultanium, and fission occurs almost immediately.'


Newspaper columnists and cartoonists confirmed they also find the party a limitless source of cheap gags, often referencing the People’s Front of Judea from Monty Python’s 'Life of Brian'.


'However, it does have the same problem fission always does,' Dr Honeydew continued, 'in that it produces a rather toxic waste product - in this case, bitterness. 


'Clearly, we need to find a way of disposing of it safely. One suggestion is to combine it with the former Prince Andrew’s bitterness at losing his titles and status, and dump the whole lot out at sea.'



Image credit: NB archives

Your Party Expel People's Front of Judea From Conference


Supporters of the Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana fronted Your Party have seen their founding conference fall into disarray after claims of a purge due to rules forbidding membership of multiple organisations.


As well as members of the Socialist Workers Party having their passes cancelled, the greatest expulsion has been members of the People's Front of Judea, a political organisation with nearly 2000 years of history. Critics say the group has been removed on a technicality due to its support for a Jewish state, and support for Trans rights.


Speaking outside the venue, one member voiced his frustration, telling anyone who would listen, 'This is symbolic of our struggle against oppression that's happened since the founding of the PFJ. We will not rest until our struggle is recognised and we've successfully brought all UK infrastructure under public ownership, except those where privatisation has been shown as directly beneficial, or ones that our pension investments are index-linked with.'


Other groups refused entry included the Judean People's Front, but not the Popular Front, as no-one noticed him when he turned up.



Jeremy Corbyn founds People’s Front of Islington

Jeremy Corbyn announced today that, along with Zarah Sultana, he will be forming a new left-wing political party, provisionally named the People’s Front of Islington. “I think people are sick and tired of all the factionalism, navel-gazing and internal wrangling,” said Corbyn today. “That’s why we’re leaving Labour in disgust and forming a new party.”


The PFI promises an end to all the bureaucracy that so often besets political parties, but when Corbyn proposed setting up a steering committee to form a working group to look into this, there was no one to second the motion as Sultana was stuck in traffic.


Other policies are thought to include free allotments for everyone, provided they agree to the rota Corbyn’s drawn up for buying soya milk for the shed where the shared kettle is. Early indications are that the new party will be popular. A Mr N Farage of Thurrock said it was “the best news I’ve heard in years”, adding with a laugh “I might even vote for them!”


However, when a journalist accidentally referred to the party as the Islington People’s Front, the usually mild-mannered Corbyn angrily denounced them as “splitters””


STOP PRESS - There are already signs of disharmony within the PFI as Sultana said she sees the party more as an anarcho-syndicalist commune, and Corbyn pointed out that’s a completely different film.




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