Andrew Tate to be named Poet Laureate

Andrew Tate, better known for losing fights and resembling a startled sperm, has attracted attention from the literary community after filming himself driving a fast car and boasting about never reading books.

Britain’s current Poet Laureate, Simon Armitage, has been asked to consider stepping down when it became known that Armitage doesn’t own a supercar or any hoes (we understand this is slang for ‘ladies of a certain disposition’).

‘It’s obvious when you think about it’, a spokesman said. ‘Wealth equals success equals intelligence. Andrew Tate is richer than most of us, ergo he is cleverer than most of us’.

NewsBiscuit isn’t really sure what ‘ergo’ means, but we suspect there must be a flaw in the logic somewhere, we just can’t put our finger on it.

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