Industry experts were surprised that his back catalogue sold, and even more surprised that the new owners refused to set fire to it. Warned one such expert, 'It went for $200m, but who knows the true cost to our musical sensibilities. It's like listening to the layered harmonics of a sack of squealing of weasels.'
Likened to the voice of a small child, trapped inside the body of an even smaller child, Mr. Bieber is a firm favourite with teenage girls with low self esteem. His 290 songs will now be played on a continuous loop, until someone pays the ransom.
His manager remarked, 'Justin is flattered to be valued so highly and for another $100m he promises to stop.'
'Can we afford it?' asked one journalist.
'Can we afford not to?' asked the world.