Due to a misunderstanding of a misspeak of a typo, the whole of the United Kingdom is now under Shakira Law. Some Brits are unclear what that entails because much of the news media is now content to let the lie spread half way around England before the truth has had a chance to get its bellybutton trinket in.
Shakira Law is misunderstood because it sounds very foreign and should therefore be feared by the easily manipulated. It is fiendishly complex and vaguely strict, but parts of it are easier to remember because some of it rhymes. But it is not to be confused with LeAnn Rimes Law which is so different, to some it is almost the same.
Lawyers are struggling to adapt to the changes, but don't give a farage because of billable hours. Clients have been warned to keep a close eye on their legal representation as they could be easily fobbed off with Christina Aguilera Convention, or Rihanna Regulations.
The first rule of Shakira Law is that you do not talk about Shakira Law.
The second rule of Shakira Law is that you DO NOT talk about Shakira Law, but you are allowed to sing about it.
The most important rule is that breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains.
The final rule of Shakira Law is that no one is allowed to tell the truth, but my hips don't lie. Actually, that's a lie. You can lie, but you're only allowed to lie when you're in a duet with Beautiful Liar, Beyoncé. Or Jennifer Lopez.
Shakira Law applies whenever, wherever.
Image: Alejoturola - Pixabay
Following a raid at an address in Manchester, it’s understood three men have been arrested by police and are being questioned regarding historic crimes against music. The investigation dates back to the mid-1980s.
Greater Manchester Police has not named the men but its widely believed that they are Mike Stock, Matt Aitken, and Pete Waterman, the three shadowy masterminds behind PWL. A record label that saw Kylie Minogue, Jason Donovan and Bananarama rise to fame, all singing the same bloody song over and over and over again.
Professor of Contemporary Music at Imperial College, Martin Emerson, explains: ‘Nearly every one of these songs consisted of the same chords, in the same key, at the same tempo, and all used the same instrumentation and an effing drum machine playing an identical pattern. Quite honestly, the repetitive nature of their output made Status Quo sound groundbreaking and innovative.’
It’s believed that one act signed to the label, Rick Astley, who only managed to escape their clutches by pretending to go and make some tea during a marathon 72 hour recording session, has now decided to blow the whistle and will be instrumental in providing evidence in any forthcoming action to be brought against the three.
When approached by BBC’s Panorama, former antipodean heartthrob, Jason Donovan, was remaining tight-lipped, but pop princess, Minogue, did make a brief statement. ‘You’d like me to tell you about what it was like working for PWL? Yeah right. You should be so lucky!’
First published 2 Oct 2021
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