Swiftify launches featuring only Taylor Swift songs

New music streaming app Swiftify has launched, dedicated entirely to the music of Taylor Swift. Users can listen to songs from a vast library of albums - albeit most of them feature the same songs just with different cover art - and explore music from the many genres which Taylor has toyed with over her multi decade career.

Swiftify Chief Exec Bradley Brady said, '90% of all music streams are of the top 1% of artistes, and 50% are of Taylor, probably. So we figured just cut out the rest. Like we say in showbiz, be nice to the little people on your way up - then dump 'em.'

The app also features an AI tool to generate abusive social media messages for 'Swifties' to send to 'haters'. At press time, it had already suffered its first crash, when someone registered under the username Big Machine Records.

Meanwhile, plans to launch another app dedicated entirely to the music of Harry Styles have been put on hold following an appeal under the Geneva Convention.

Image credit: perchance.org

Rape music DJ charged

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Britain now under Shakira Law

Due to a misunderstanding of a misspeak of a typo, the whole of the United Kingdom is now under Shakira Law. Some Brits are unclear what that entails because much of the news media is now content to let the lie spread half way around England before the truth has had a chance to get its bellybutton trinket in.

Shakira Law is misunderstood because it sounds very foreign and should therefore be feared by the easily manipulated. It is fiendishly complex and vaguely strict, but parts of it are easier to remember because some of it rhymes. But it is not to be confused with LeAnn Rimes Law which is so different, to some it is almost the same.

Lawyers are struggling to adapt to the changes, but don't give a farage because of billable hours. Clients have been warned to keep a close eye on their legal representation as they could be easily fobbed off with Christina Aguilera Convention, or Rihanna Regulations.

The first rule of Shakira Law is that you do not talk about Shakira Law.

The second rule of Shakira Law is that you DO NOT talk about Shakira Law, but you are allowed to sing about it.

The most important rule is that breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains.

The final rule of Shakira Law is that no one is allowed to tell the truth, but my hips don't lie. Actually, that's a lie. You can lie, but you're only allowed to lie when you're in a duet with Beautiful Liar, Beyoncé. Or Jennifer Lopez.

Shakira Law applies whenever, wherever.

Image: Alejoturola - Pixabay

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