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Biggest heist in history: Police steal 200,000 Cadbury's Creme Egg jokes from each other

Following one of the most daring ripoffs ever conducted, police are warning satirical news writers that they must report this in humorous and original ways which have not already been covered by forces up and down the country.

A copper who only wanted to be referred to as "Brink's" Matt confirmed, 'A man named Joby Pool, and dubbed The Easter Bunny by us, used a tractor stolen from the Yorkshire area to make off with 200,000 Cadbury's Creme Gags.

'Of course, we cracked the case instantly. Forensics found chocolate quip fingerprints all over the creme scene.

'But there is a more serious question for the Frying Squad: how do organised creminals fence that amount of chockie witticisms? Well, they would probably melt them all down. You just can't flood the market with that volume of sweet puns all in one go. People would notice. You have to carefully and patiently drip it back in. Anyone consuming confectionery wisecracks this Easter will almost certainly take in a small amount stolen in the heist. But we're not sure if it's an eggsistential problem.

'The rights to the film have already been gobbled up. However, it will probably end up being just another TV dramatisation of a true creme currently showing on the BBC. A chocumentary, if you will. But comedy Gold either way.'

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