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Blair leaves massive turd in Starmer's toilet

Tony Blair has left a huge neoliberal turd festering in Keir Starmer's toilet on a recent visit to Downing Street, it has been revealed. 


Sources close to the PM say the large brown trout dumped by the former PM is proving extremely hard to flush away, even with the assistance of a wire coat hanger and a large bucket of cold water, and is causing chaos in Number 10.  


The news is a further blow to Sir Keir, coming just a day after the ex-PM and Labour leader published a near 6,000 word essay on 'what is Labour doing wrong, why I remain the best leader ever, and why my tech bro mates should be allowed to take over the world' on the fiercely independent Tony Blair Institute for Global Change website. 


'This steaming turd has the potential to derail the PM, for sure', said one Starmer loyalist - though it wasn't clear if he meant the actual turd or Tony Blair. 'Keir's bowel movements are as regular as his pronouncements about how real change has already taken place since he was elected PM. Tony's er . . . intervention . . . is therefore extremely unhelpful, as well as being rather smelly'.


Both Wes Streeting and Andy Burnham have promised to remove the stench if elected, although Blair has suggested that neither of them has the skills required to shift the huge cable that he has laid and that they are all just going through the motions. 



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