As a General Election nears, huge political news reaches us that former Prime Minister Boris Johnson and ex-UKIP leader Nigel Farage are to merge. Whilst no further details have been put forward by either camp, it is clear that this is potentially huge news for the inexplicably popular duo. We asked political commentator and respect theorist Sir Peter Catterick-Brace what this could mean for Britain's political landscape.
'Well, I think this is huge news! The potential ramifications for the traditional parties could be very significant if they manage to arouse their base voters.' He went on, 'I mean, all those quite extreme right wing, immigrant and Euro hating middle aged white voters could come out in droves for this monstrous entity. I expect the first thing it would want to do is undo Brexit and then re-do it. Straight away. A sort of 'Let's get Brexit done again'. Socially this beast would mean a great deal to publicans and tobacconists as well as it being an almost endless supply of extremely fertile semen and occasionally eloquent waffle. Nadine Dorries will pass out when she hears the news.'
As we await further news, we speculate that the 'thing' will be called 'Borjel Johnrage', be approximately six feet nine and during the initial process very, very dangerous to anyone coming without twenty feet of it with anything less than questionable views on race, British culture and colonialism.
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