Girls night out

ITV launch new game show - Jump Off A Cliff

ITV schedulers have been inspired by an idea provided by Britain's Got Talent host Simon Cowell, who has said that he would rather jump off a cliff than host a game show.

'What a brilliant idea,' said an ITV scheduler. 'Instead of getting hapless members of the public to jump off a cliff we instead give them a range of pointless tasks to complete and idiotic questions to answer. If they get it wrong - or right - the presenter jumps off a cliff.

'We're really hopeful Simon Cowell presents the pilot. We'll see how it goes in the ratings to decide whether to greenlight a full series. Should give us time to find a suitable presenter for episode two, although we note Nadine Dorries has been active on TV lately.'

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Which Wizard of Oz character are you?

Priti wants to be the Wicked Witch of the West. “I like her alliterative name and also her lust for revenge. If anything, they’ve made her too nice”.

Liz thinks she’d be great as Dorothy, though her friends all call her Scarecrow behind her back as she hasn’t yet located her brain.

Several of Priti and Liz’s friends identify with the Tin Man. Indeed, they venerate him for his ability to survive without a heart, like Suella does.

Boris thinks he should be the Wizard, though most of his friends have suggested the Cowardly Lion. Was there a fridge in the film?

And finally – who would play Toto, the loyal dog? If the dog had a drink problem, maybe Nadine?

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