Andrew to stand as Reform UK by-election candidate

'Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor is an arrogant, obnoxious, feckless, ignorant failure who has a gripe against the world,' said a spokes-skunk for Reform UK.

'We're asking ourselves why we never spotted before how perfectly he'd fit into our party.

'Like Zahawi, Dorries and the rest of the flotsam which has washed up with us, Andrew has done sod all good for anyone in his life, and blames everyone from the government to the media for bringing him down when he is entirely the author of his own misfortunes.

'This is why we're putting up Andrew forthwith as Reform UK candidate in the Gorton and Denton by-election next Thursday.

'He'll be electoral catnip for the tens of thousands of voters in the constituency who are themselves ill-educated, disagreeable, irresponsible, self-destructive failures eaten up by resentment.

Why shouldn't people like that be represented in Parliament by one of their own kind? They are also human,' said the spokes-swine.

'Well, sort of human.'

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