Updated: Dec 27, 2021
It was confirmed this evening Britain has had prepaid meters fitted for its use of gas and electricity.
Both devices were installed in a small cupboard under the stairs at No.10 Downing St. The operation was overseen by the current tenant, Boris Johnson, who posed for pictures in a pristine hi-vis jacket during the fitting.
A spokesperson told the press: ‘Boris thinks this is rather splendid and that it will certainly see us, as a nation, not overstepping the mark. We must cut our cloth according to our means and not spend all our cash on cigs, booze, bingo and tax breaks for multinational corporations.
‘And what’s more, paying a significantly higher tariff than necessary, will help focus or minds on not leaving the lights on and so forth.
‘We will have to buckle down and be responsible in paying for our energy. Boris admits its a pity that we flogged off our ownership to the private sector. But also, he says its not all bad news, as some of the chaps in the party who hoovered up then sold their shares, have made a decent bob or two on the deal.
‘The PM reckons Govey boy knows this chap who can let him have a special gizmo to make the wheels and numbers go backwards', continued the spokesperson. 'And although these can be quite dangerous and blow up, causing fires and even worse, Boris reckons this can't really any worse than the shit show we now find ourselves participating in?'