Experts are warning that Britain is facing a ‘law and order freefall.’ Paul, 12, Professor of Behavioural Science at the University of Westward Ho! has cautioned his local MP that Armageddon may also follow suit.
‘The problem is that we have lived with shifting sands for too long,’ he explained. ‘Nobody knows where they stand anymore. This leads to a growing feeling of “sod it. I’ll just do what I want.” Before you know it, McDonalds has run out of ketchup, Freddos have gone up to £8.49 and the Four Horsemen are competing at the Horse of the Year Show.'
Like most people in Britain, Paul blames the Government. He also believes that they have melted the distinction between right and wrong to the point that it’s just a runny marmitey-goo of lawlessness. ‘One day we are only allowed to meet one person in another bubble and the next it’s full wine and cheese with people you don’t want to know. One day the Foreign Secretary is encouraging us to take up arms against tyranny and join a foreign legion; the next, holding a peaceful vigil gets you violently arrested. There is just no logic to it.’
Paul’s sentiments are echoed right across the country. Michael from Bideford is reeling from a letter received from his daughter’s school. ‘Apparently, they are not allowed to take in chainsaws anymore, but fruit is somehow OK. We just don’t know whether we are coming or going. It’s the End of Days.’
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