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Britain running out of space to bury bodies, warn serial killers

The country's psychopaths have been warning they will have to resort to cremation by 2030 if the present rate of unsustainable development continues. Some have suggested putting a "Bundy belt" of green space around every urban area where bodies can be disposed of.

"We can't hope to compete with the US if people don't stop covering the country in ugly housing estates and motorways", says one exasperated strangler. "In America a killer can just hop in his pickup truck with his corpse and shovel, follow directions from voices in his head, and before he knows it he's in the wilderness".

"Their psychos can rack up body counts faster than Boris Johnson impregnates women", he continues. "But it looks like Britain will always be a country of single-figure losers".

However, another loner who did not wish to be named has called on murderers to stop whinging and waiting for the nanny state to solve their problems. "Commuting 100 miles with a body in the boot is so 2019", he sneers as he concretes over his patio for the third time this month. "It's time we got used to the concept of working from home".

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