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Cameron pays pig £8.4m in 'hush money'

The UK's outgoing Prime Minister is accused of authorising millions of pounds in severance to 'Sunnybrook Meadow for wayward piglets'. Mr. Cameron is yet to give a public statement about his cronyism and utterly consensual farm-yard fun but may have already incriminated himself by giving a knighthood to an amorous goat.

Other 'friends' of Cameron may have also been silenced with payments, although the £160million Amazon spent to keep Jeremy Clarkson off BBC2 was more of a public service. Meanwhile one sheepish sheep remarked: 'He promised me a woolly jumper but all got was this lousy t-shirt and seat in the House of Lords'.

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