Fans of sugar and saturated fat have been strangely upbeat to learn that there is a national shortage of lettuce and other rabbit food. Children have been forced to opt for extra processed meat, two puddings and an insufferable air of smugness.
Having your five-a-day reduced to one, has left a sizeable plate gap; which has been inevitably filled by melted-cheese. Explained one obese five year old: ‘Naturally I was devastated but somehow I’ve managed to drown my sorrows in cola and mars bars. It’s tough, surviving on a reduced vegetable diet – what can I put my ketchup on now? Pass the gummy bears would you?’
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