Conservative MPs concerned about losing their job at the next general election have been scouring the country to secure a safe seat. 'It looks like there's only one really safe seat,' said a senior Conservative MP looking at the impending P45 moment, 'and it's in Middle-what-a-Wallop, where there are only twenty voters, and all reside in the House of Lords as Tory Peers,' he said today.
The Conservative Party is negotiating with the Electoral Commision to allow up to 258 candidates to register as prospective parliamentary candidates in Middle-what-a-Wallop, with the successful votes being allocated to all of the candidates at the same time. 'That way Raab, Johnson, Braverman, Gove and Hancock et al can all keep their jobs. Well, not Hancock, obvs, but et Al is welcome,' he added.
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