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Cows pissed off with always taking the blame

Scientific fingers are pointed squarely at cows who are now blamed for passing Bird Flu to humans after it jumped the species gap to mammals. Angry moovers and (milk) shakers are from across the UK Bovine offender community from Jersey to the Highlands, cattle have had enough.

They have formed a union, Cows Rising Against Persecution (CRAP), and are prepared to withhold milk, a spokescow said: 'Humans must stop squeezing our tits' #me.moo.

This latest attack comes on the back of world-wide recognition of their excessive production of methane, with the addition of other plants to their diet as a possible remedy. Cows blame this on Vegan fundamentalists, who would rather cut out the middleman and go straight for the nuts, or at least nut based milk and roasts, “This methane thing is a smoke screen, a load of bull, just hot air”.

Bovines have been plagued with TB for years and had tried to pass the buck to badgers. A Friesian spokescow mooed: “We wish to maintain our place as the most popular black and white animal in the UK countryside, if you’re looking for a scape-goat, the clue is in the name, Greatest Of All Time, my farty arse”.

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