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  • Writer's pictureNickB

Crimestoppers hit by gobstoppers

Crimestoppers’ campaign to attract younger informants by offering free gobstoppers has 'bockfried’ according to its CEO Mike Smythe. ‘Wore delsuhed wish gogshoppers an ish haulding bock our walk,’ he commented. ‘The pobom is theshe kids ahre phobing in to roport crimesh boct thore onintelligible ccosh they have got mauves foll of gogshockers we our shelves has hambid oup.’

It’s understood that Mr Smythe and his team have tried to diminish their pile of donated gobstoppers held at Crimestoppers HQ with a concentrated sucking campaign, which has led to call centre workers and those that call them having conversations neither can understand.

Mr Smythe said: ‘This hash memp a pershect shtorn, cobbubications wives, wiv urshent crimesh mishreforted.’ The problem has been compounded by the fact that the 480 kilos of gobstoppers that Crimestoppers thought were a charitable donation were actually stolen with, say Crimestoppers, ‘the intention of pervorting the cosh of juss pish’. This has led to the organisation launching a nationwide helpline to catch the confectionery thieves. Mr Smythe said ‘anygun wish informashoh shoub call ush om: oh aitch humbled aitch fibe nibe five. I’ll repeach that oh aitch humbled aitch fye nibe fibe’.

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