Suella Braverman to join the Great British Break Off

From our correspondent in the snug of the Dirty Duck.

'There is general uproar here, as I text this report. It's Dodgy Dave's birthday, and he's been buying rounds since the pub opened. From what I can hear off the telly, in a surprise move Suella Braverman has been signed up to join Great British Break Off. The 'reality' show where people come to try out half-baked ideas in the Reform tent. 

'Recent entrants have been Robert Jenrick with his Blackout Cake. He was unable to remember anything he said or did before 15th January. A week ealier it was Nadim Zahawi with his Chocolate Fudge Cake. Very rich but who's counting the pounds? Last year included Nadine Dorries with her Nutty Meringue Cake - well beaten till fluffy and with a hard shell

'In other news, Nigella Lawson has joined the Reform Party.

(You're fired. Ed.)

Image: Lockjaw

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