Defence Review Promises More Peashooters to Isle of Wight

In a seismic shake-up to defence of the island, Defence Secretary John Healey today promised that the Isle of Wight would see an increase to its capabilities through the delivery of more peashooters and catapults.

At the Shanklin Home Armed Guard, platoon leader Captain Wilson was delighted to hear the news, remarking, "Currently our sea defences are Big John with a bucket of rocks. While he can thrown them impressively far, like past the sandbank far, being able to add the local Scouts and Guides as a second line of defence will be a further deterrent to anyone thinking of invading our land. We've had them keep the grey squirrels out for over a century now, so I'm confident any Russian Destroyers sailing through the channel will think twice before straying from the shipping lanes once they see Akela and her special forces keeping watch at The Needles."

The Isle of Wight navy were also overjoyed that their fleet would be faster after all the clothing gifted to Sir Keir Starmer by Lord Alli had been turned into sailcloths and used to upgrade the Sea Cadets' dinghies.

image from pixabay