In a final act of irony, her body will be swaddled in a gigantic nappy bag and left for seagulls to peck at. Hopefully rigor-mortis will prevent her from wriggling out of her Velcro tabs and any buttock rash will be the least of her dermatological concerns. The absorbent chemicals in her bespoke shroud should hopefully deter foxes; commented one mother: ‘How whiffy she will get is hard to tell, but it can’t be worse than the fetid dumplings my toddler produces.’
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