Dude, don't have a Bercow
Scene: an exclusive gentleman's club. Two dapper chaps are sharing a bottle of fine whiskey.
A: You've been looking into the allegations for some time, I take it?
B: Indeed. Shocking business. But it is no more than one would a expect from such a person.
A: It will end in disgrace, no doubt?
B: Indeed. But I fear it will be like water off a duck's back for him.
A: Yes. However, I have a little ruse that may have an impact.
B: Do tell.
A: Well. You know he has always hankered after a peerage?
B: Unlikely now, one would have thought.
A: Yes, but certain people would like to emphasise by giving a knighthood to a total loser.
B: You don't mean ...
A: Yes, yes. Gavin Williamson!!
B: Brilliant.