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FA Cup final to be moved from Wembley to Dubai

In order to protect the Premier League’s richest owners from not sportswashing enough money, next year’s FA Cup final will be staged in Dubai. Not only does this reflect the corporate sponsorship of the Emirates FA Cup, it allows the finalists to combine the match with a lucrative promotional tour of the Middle East.

The FA agreed to the change of venue for the final of the oldest and most famous domestic cup competition in the world after consultation with two or three of the seven hundred participating teams. However, the FA were keen to explain that those two or three clubs also have to participate in the richest European League in the world, and that can be tiring, even for those clubs with massive squads of multi-millionaires.

Other changes to the tournament include the scrapping of replays because that could result in money going into the coffers of clubs not owned by countries in the Arabian Peninsula.

‘You can still get excited about Harrogate Railway versus Halifax Town in the early rounds if that floats your boat, but only once’, explained a blazer-wearing Man City sycophant FA spokesman. ‘But these days, disguising human rights abuse with vast amounts of corporate cash is the true magic of the FA Cup.’

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