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Facemasks? Either its Coronavirus or everyone wants to look like a dental hygienist.

With two confirmed cases, it is only a matter of time until everyone is dressed in a Hazmat suit and coated hand sanitizer. For those who cannot afford the full regalia, they will need to make do with a flimsy dust mask and a worried expression.

The key benefits of a sanitary mask is that it can also filter pollen and cover-up any unsightly teeth. It also promises to save on lipstick, shaving costs and allows you to look like Dick Turpin. One profiteering PPE seller commented: ‘And this mask allows me to cover my big, shit eating grin.’

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