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Fear that ‘Operation Yellowhammer’ intends to bring back Timmy Mallet


The public and armed services are on high alert, after a leaked memo suggests that a No-Deal Brexit will lead to re-runs of ‘Mallet’s Mallet’.  The Operation Yellowhammer contingency plan also references the stockpiling of colourful glasses, rationing Michaela Strachan and using Tommy Boyd as flood defence.


This paints a bleak future for UK citizens, who will forced to join a Wide Awake Club, to combat the exhaustion of living in a low-wage gig-economy.  More terrifying still, in the event of a hard Brexit, the new national anthem will be ‘Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini’ – but with less of a dystopian feel to the original.


Mr. Mallet rose to prominence in the 80’s with his ill-matched clothing and catch-phrases ‘utterly brilliant!’ and ‘blaaah’ – all of which Boris Johnson would later copy.  He would then beat people with a giant foam phallus; a technique that many of Mr. Johnson’s ex-wives would find familiar.


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