Football club owner suffered ‘suspected poisoning
The soccer world has been rocked by allegations that Reg Tupper, owner of Isle of Wight Top Tiles Premiership team Athletico Cowes may have been poisoned.
An ashen-faced Reg has briefed the world’s sporting press:-
“We were cock-a-hoop on Saturday after we had done the double over our fiercest rivals Sporting Shanklin. Naturally I took the lads out to a slap-up meal afterwards to celebrate. I treated everyone to the very finest from Dave’s Doners van – with all the trimmings of course. We then went to the Cowes Boutique wine bar where I had my usual 11 pints of ‘Olde Bowel Basher’ cider.
However, most unusually I woke up the following morning feeling a bit queasy – know what I mean? I had to warn the missus to give it 10 minutes before using the toilet.
I can only think that someone must have wanted to do me harm, what with me being one of the top Isle Of Wight business men. Only a far-sighted entrepreneur like me would have had the courage to go into the Pic ‘n Mix business after Woolworths folded.
I’ve got a cast iron stomach when it comes to grub and drink. I can only suspect someone somehow managed to doctor my pork scratchings in the bar.”