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From Grease MY Palm

Our NewsBiscuit theatre correspondent understands that the Tory Party Players intend to stage their own unique production of the 1978 musical comedy Grease. There is a poignant sub-text to their version which reflects their growing dissatisfaction with the leadership of the Party. The leads will be played by Liz Truss as Sandy Olsson, and Dominic Cummings as Danny Zuko. Insiders say that their onstage chemistry is "electrifying". Here is an exclusive excerpt from their song sheet:

We got ills, they're multiplying

And we're losing control

Cause the power, you're supplying

It's mortifying!

You better shape up, cause I need a man

And my heartland is set on you

You better shape up, you better understand

To my heartland I must be true

No-one left, no-one left for you to choose

You've the votes that I want

You have the ones I want

Oo,Oo,Oo Money

You've the votes that I want

You are thing I want

Oo, Oo, Oo Money

You've the votes that I want

You Have the ones I want

Oo, Oo, Oo, the ones that I need

Oh yes indeed...

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