Future British Armed Forces ‘will be the best prepared ever’ say influencers
Influencers across the UK are saying that any unit sent into battle to represent UK interests overseas will have the best skin care regime of any fighting force ever assembled. Mz Kola Jean, a 23 year old influencer from Romford who is now based in Dubai says there is no excuses for any of the armed forces to go into battle with poor skin quality or split ends.
‘If lower ranking members of the British army follow my daily skin care regime and keeps up a healthy hair routine then they will go into battle looking their very best. Even after an exhausting 12 hour yomp deep inside enemy territory, culminating in hand to hand combat with an elite Taliban fighting unit your skin and hair will still look great.
'Even the most battle hardened mujahideen veteran will marvel at your flesh tones while mutilating and defiling your body before feeding it to their dogs. And those carefully crafted blonding highlights won’t go unnoticed either,' she added.
Fears that UK youth are unprepared for the threat of future war were dismissed by Mz Jean who said his/her/their generation will be the most prepared ever.
‘We have spent our lives preparing for this’ said Mz Jean ‘ the hours and hours spent in front of a mirror has prepared this next generation like no other. You will be hard pressed to find any Generation Alpha with a skin blemish or mark that is not designer made or influencer verified….our cheekbones will be the most plumped and blushed of any army.
'Make-up during warfare have come a long way since Mel Gibson’s clumsy attempts at looking great in Braveheart…..that blue foundation was never going to work with such historically inaccurate tartan braids.
'Most of us already have neurodevelopment disorders any way….and you can’t be more prepared for war than that. That is how prepared we will be’.
Image: ThePixelman - Pixabay
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