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Gavin Williamson's resignation letter in full

Dear Fag

Please accept my hearty congratulations on finding a bigger bully than I am to convince me to resign from my position in the government. I will, of course, step down, being the bigger and better man.

Just two queries:

  1. Can you ask the bugger for my trousers back, please?

  2. Can I claim the operation to remove the pencil sharpener from my anus on expenses?

It certainly has been a jolly wheeze watching you run about polishing my shoes and doing my homework etc., but now I feel it is time for me to give someone else the benefit of my significant skills. Black Arts Master at Gordonstoun, perhaps? TTFN Gavin "I'm Even More Of A Celebrity" Williamson

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