To make Liz Truss look less like a dummy missing its ventriloquist, Tories are being told to publicly abase themselves, in the spiritual successor to Operation Save Big Dog. Tory Chairman Jake Berry grasped this unpleasant nettle by publicly telling people to freeze to death or magically get a higher paying job.
55 Tufton Street think tank wanker Clementine Carruthers said ‘Only people with well paid jobs deserve to be warm in winter. Those who earn less than £50k – scum as we call them – only have themselves to blame. Bring back TB, I say.'
Oscar Oldroyd works 2 jobs on minimum wages. ‘If only I’d thought of simply earning more money, I too could be cosy. The Tories are right about everything and Liz Truss is the best.’ said Oldroyd, coughing ferociously.