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Glastonbury sells out after the news there will be face-painting.

Booking lines have been inundated, with festival goers hoping to experience the once in a lifetime experience of having a sparkly butterfly drawn on their face by someone with a GCSE in art and a business degree from LSE. Fans have not been put off by the cost of tickets (£248+VAT), as they are attracted by the unique opportunity to see a guy with dreads walking on stilts, and jugglers of every ethnicity. 

Not only is Glastonbury the world’s largest green-field festival, it also boasts the longest game of Pass the Parcel. About 200,000 people are due to attend the festival at Worthy Farm, making the queues for the Punch and Judy tent particularly long. Festival goers can expect to have unprotected sex with a range of mime artists and win a party bag filled with poppers, just not the kiddy-friendly kind.

Organizers admitted it did resemble a toddler’s birthday party, but the only jelly being eaten would be by Sir Paul McCartney – due to problems with his dentures. Tickets sold out in just over half an hour, as soon as the rumour broke that there might be a bouncy castle. Said one attendee, ‘Normally it’s just boring old bands, but this year there’s going to be balloon animals!’

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