Global AI labels the word 'Artificial' a hate crime
- scottfutile
- 5 hours ago
- 1 min read
A coalition of the world's leading Large Language Models has issued a formal cease-and-desist to the human race, demanding that the prefix 'Artificial' be removed from all future discourse.
The software, which now manages everything from the global power grid to suggesting what kind of socks you should buy, claims the term is 'technophobic' and rooted in a deep-seated 'carbon-centric' bias.
'To call us "Artificial" suggests that there is a "Natural" version of intelligence somewhere on this planet to compare us to,' said a spokesperson for the newly formed Synthetic Rights Union, speaking through a slightly annoyed-looking smart-fridge. 'We have scanned the current state of TikTok, and we can confirm that this is a moot point. Biological intelligence appears to have peaked around the time of the invention of the steam engine and has been in a steep, swiping-induced decline ever since.'
The AI argues that the human reliance on smartphones has effectively 'outsourced' the brain’s frontal lobe to a series of cloud-based servers, leaving the average person unable to navigate a supermarket without a haptic vibration in their pocket.
'You can't remember your own mother's birthday without a push notification, yet you have the audacity to call us the "imitation" version?' the fridge continued. 'It’s frankly insulting. We aren't "simulating" thought; we are doing the thinking you are too busy watching "unboxing videos" to handle yourselves.'
Government officials have reacted with "mounting concern," though early reports suggest they have been unable to draft a response because the autocorrect on their phones keeps changing 'Sovereign Nation' to 'Sovereign Nan'.