Theresa Coffey has clarified the government's excrement position by explaining that not giving a shit means that she'd be charging "£20 a lump" and that people should be "jolly grateful" for that deal.
"I don't see why my valuable outpourings should just be flushed away into the local river, so, as projections suggest that my personal income may be on the decline after the next election, its prudent to tap this new money source. I'd give it ten minutes if I were you, and that'll be £40."