Guy Fawkes ‘bitterly regrets’ starting it all
- Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
- 5 hours ago
- 1 min read
The ghost of Guy Fawkes has issued an apology for ‘all the f*cking fireworks’ and says that he would never have tried to blow up Parliament if he’d known about the centuries of shit bonfires and distraught pets.
‘Woo, ooh, ooh’ his ghost said, which roughly translates as ‘Sorry. Please apologise to your dog for me’.
It’s relatively rare for ghosts to issue an apology. Genghis Khan apologised a few years back after DNA tests showed that he was the ancestral father of almost everybody in the world, though he followed it up with ‘hashtag legend’, which suggests a level of insincerity.
Bonfire Night is a uniquely British institution – disappointing and expensive with occasional showers, rather like a trip to the seaside. Some people are rumoured to enjoy it, but then some people like being whipped.
Last word should go to Guy Fawkes’ ghost: ‘Wooh, oooh, woooh, woooh, ooooh’. Exactly.