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Horoscopes for July from Willie Eckerslike of the Barnsley Argus



Aries


Tha’s making a right @rse of thesen. Think on.


Taurus


If you don’t stop with your la dee dah ways, you’ll end up a gret suthern jessie.


Gemini


There’s nowt that can’t be sorted over a good cup of tea.


Cancer


You’ll get a clout round yer lugs this week. You’ll deserve it. Pillock!


Leo


Watch out for them there steps


Virgo


You will find love this month. Watch out Ada Slatterthwaite. That’s my star sign!


Libra


Stop laiking about the house and buck your ideas, you daft sod.


Scorpio


You are saved from a fate worse than death next week, when that trip to Manchester is cancelled


Sagittarius


You will get an unwelcome visitor next week. The tally man wants paying.


Capricorn


Mind you visit your nan next weekend, she’s getting right mardy


Aquarius


It’s not clear what’s going to happen but you’ll be chuffed to bits, I can tell you.


Pisces


You’ll come across a bit of money this month. Not a lot, but ‘owt’s better than nowt.


Image: Lockjaw



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