Horoscopes for June 2025, by the Constant Plancks

Aries

There is considerable scope for health improvements this month. A stethoscope will be helpful. And a gastroscope. And, unfortunately, a colonoscope. And also a telescope. Don't worry - the doctors will get it out.

Taurus

You know that thing with the thing that that person was talking about. Well, it will turn out OK. I hope that makes it clear for you.

Gemini

A tall, dark, handsome stranger looms large in your future, followed by a long and painful convalescence. Not all bears like to be hugged.

Cancer

You will fall deeply asleep in the arms of your lover after some steamy sex in a wheat field. Which is why you won't hear the combine harvester bearing down on you. That will be a bit of a bind, so to speak.

Leo

Your life will be in such a spin this month that you probably need to make use a gyroscope rather than a horoscope.

Virgo

Your charts have become very complicated after you paid good money to name some stars after members of your family.

Aunty Kitty will be in conjunction with your second cousin Ned for the rest of the year. This will bring happiness, anxiety, shame, and a criminal conviction – not necessarily in that order.

Uncle Antonio will make a close pass near Uranus, so you are likely to feel nervous, but also relieved.

NASA will launch test firings at Nana Ruth, to stop her spinning helplessly out of control.

You will come to realise that the star naming thing is a bit of a con. Eventually. Hopefully.

Libra

Not the month to go on a tour of a bell foundry, if you know what's good for you. While we're about it, best cancel that tour of the brewery. Ding-dong and cheers.

Scorpio

You drive a top of the range Ford from 1995, but still don't understand why no one respects you

Sagittarius

Sensible, staid, safe. Leave the exciting stuff to others. Being boring never killed anyone - at least, anyone worth knowing.

Capricorn

If you wake at dawn, you will have an insight that could change the course of human history. However, we both know that you're a lazy sod. So thanks for nothing. You waster!

Aquarius

They say many a mickle makes a muckle. By the end of this month, you will have a substantial muckle. The stars aren't clear about a muckle of what. Ooh, it's exciting, isn't it?

Pisces

As temperatures rise and the holiday season hits its stride, your thoughts turn to steamy seasonal romance and flirtatious dalliances. However, don't set your sights too high - you are making a big ask of Bognor.

Includes horoscope contributions from:

deskpilot : Aries, Virgo

SteveB : Scorpio

FlashArry : Gemini, Pisces, Sagittarius

Picture credit: nightcafe.studio