A 100-tonne congealed mass of lobbyists has been found festering deep underneath Westminster. The discovery comes following lobbying by MP Owen Paterson, accusations earlier this year about lobbying by ex-PM David Cameron , the awarding of COVID-contracts without procurement, and at least seven separate enquiries in 2021 into the relationship between private businesses and government.
'These sort of fatbergs have become more and more common since the Tories have come back into power, but this one we've discovered in the pipework under the House of Commons is the biggest yet,' said a Thames Water spokesperson.
'It's a mixture of oily striped-shirted and brace wearing lobbyists on their phones, combined with expensive red wine, foie gras, and chateaubriand from the Carlton Club', continued the spokesperson.
'Unfortunately, it typically it has that shared Eton public school binding agent that helps grease the wheels', concluded the spokseperson. 'Its just so hard to break down and penetrate'.
.