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I'm too busy taking a sh$t to care who's in the next cubicle

Weighing into the highly charged debate on single sex bathrooms, Sophie Munday (38) declared: 'Will you go away, I'm trying to have a quiet moment on the loo.' Sophie then ignored our reasonable follow up question, which we yelled over the top of the stall and then scribbled on a soiled napkin and thrust through a suspicious hole, drilled into the side of the cubicle.

'Just f$ck off,' barked Sophie. 'I honestly don't care what gender or ethnicity you are - I'm too busy trying not to make a farting or plopping noise. I've got no time for your faux outrage, about an issue that nobody cared about ten years ago.

'You want to know, my main concerns? Does the lock work, is there enough loo paper and have I avoided dropping my mobile into the bowl?

'Scared of penises in the bathroom? I'm more scared of a rat coming up the u-bend and biting me bum. Now let me sh$t in peace.'

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