It's what she would have wanted



Any reporting on non-Queen news is currently considered disrespectful. Even though BBC coverage is wall-to-wall royalist puff pieces, pomp and performative fawning, the Daily Mail and Express are waiting breathlessly to lambast the broadcaster for being insufficiently deferential. It's almost as though those articles had been written ages ago and will be published regardless. Go Team GB!


‘It’s disgusting’ raged Francesca Fraser, whose main hobby is buying commemorative Diana crockery online ‘Huw Edwards didn’t even howl and rent his garments. And Nicholas Witchell didn’t commit ritual suicide, to be buried at a suitably sycophantic distance from Westminster Abbey. It's what she would have wanted.'


Companies unrelated to anything monarchichal have issued bland statements and changed their logos to monochrome. Warren Wright was buying a new toaster when he noticed the toaster page of the retailer's website only had a small black banner morning Her Maj. 'It's disgusting. I immediately bought my toaster elsewhere. I may even find the face of the Queen on a piece of this toast. It's what she would have wanted.'


Meanwhile the Conservatives are furiously burying stories before people start paying attention again. Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'It's not disgusting, more unsettling, one look into Liz's cold dead eyes - Liz Truss I mean. There's just so much bad news to bury, because Tory governments make life so awful for so many. We’ve also suppressed your right to protest about that. It's what she would have wanted.'


image from pixabay

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