The Chancellor of the Exchequer and newsreaders' nightmare, Jeremy Hunt, has announced that the government is to make smoking compulsory to everyone over 17 with 16 and 15 year olds to be phased in by 2027.
Mr Hunt explained, "I've examined the reasoning behind New Zealand cancelling the ban on smoking and the raising of taxes by cigarette sales obviously outweighs any minor health benefits of not dying."
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