Amid accusations of a sorority pledge gone too far, ISIS have threatened to ruin Fresher’s week. Complained one initiate: 'Hazing rituals have got so extreme that we have to strap bombs to ourselves just to meet forty virgins; or the girls of Delta Kappa Gamma as they're called.'
Distinguished alumni include a pile of unidentified body parts smelling of Semtex. Not everyone is willing to meet the suicide entry criteria, as 'Chuck' – a jihadist spokesman - explained: 'Anyone can pledge themselves, but they have to pass rigorous tasks including swallowing goldfish, kidnapping a team mascot and raining death upon the infidels of Beta Phi.’
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