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Just Stop Oil blocks gassy man’s route to Wetherspoons toilet

Last Sunday, during the mile-long route to a Wetherspoons bathroom, a man with a lot of flatulence reportedly encountered a congregation of ‘Just Stop Oil’ members protesting his gassy visit to the toilet.

‘I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. They were in a line, sitting cross-legged with a banner draped over them. It looked like some members were glued down, but that could have just been cause the floors were really sticky.’

Eyewitnesses saw the man try to forcibly remove some of the protestors before farting in their faces and jogging out the door to a nearby Caffè Nero. One of the protestors spoke to press about the small-scale demonstration:

‘We have to start somewhere. If you were to look at carbon production in the immediate vicinity a significant proportion can be attributed to this man’s bowel movements. We have a right to protest anyone dumping more waste onto the planet, especially if it's the excrement from this man splattered all over a Wetherspoons cubicle.’

Following the news, another set of Just Stop Oil protesters reportedly sat down the aisle of an aeroplane to prevent toilet use during a long-haul flight.

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