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Kate Middleton robot stuck on Windows Update

What should have been a routine battery replacement, has resulted in an extended offline period for Kate, or as she is called on her warranty 'Diana Vista 2.0'. The robot Princess has not been seen in public for several days, feeding conspiracy theories that she has been replaced, at her children's request, with a PS5.

The Palace has released doctored photographs of the Princess but experts quickly spotted the anomalous alterations to her cuffs and the gigantic laser shooting out of one eye. It is not the first time the Royals have passed an android off as one of their family, Fergie was able to go undetected for years, despite being a cheap knock-off of Metal Mickey.

Kate, however, was meant to be state of the art in terms of tech, with her immaculate complexion and being able to 'Serf the Net' with super-fast browsing speed. Sadly, stuck in a neverending update, the Princess will be decommissioned and refurbished as a Instagram influencer. This leaves the nation without a Princess and William without a sex-robot, unless you count Nicholas Witchell.

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