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Kid in checkout queue definitely needs to pack it in

Despite having only just met, everyone in queue number four can agree that the child having a tantrum should 'stfu'. What should have been a five minute wait now feels like an eternity, thanks to a five-year-old holding their parents to ransom over a packet of chocolate buttons.

Observed one shopper: 'If he was my kid, I'd have clipped him around the ear and signed him up for national service.' Said an elderly gentleman, with kind eyes, wearing a cravat and a carnation buttonhole: 'What a little s$it.'

The child in question quickly resorted to laying on his back, drumming his heels on the floor, while screaming that he wanted to see Father Christmas. One fraught shopping assistant quickly offered a solution: 'We don't have a Santa but we have an alley out the back, with a skip we can dump the body in - will that do?'

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