With the General Election clearly under Starmers Orders, the main political parties (as well as the Conservatives and Reform UK) are beginning to set out their stalls. Labour have decided that the Tooth Fairy needs to be brought under State control. 'There's no common standard value placed on teeth across the country, with some of the poorer areas limited to replacing displaced milk teeth with a fifty pence piece, while in the Home counties a milk molar left under the pillow is likely to result in a trust fund or crypto shares being left. There is a real risk that there will be an inflationary impact if the Tooth Fairy rates aren't brought under State Control,' said a Labour spokesman today.
Under the manifesto proposal the Tooth Fairy will be controlled by the government and tooth compensation rates will be nationally agreed by the milk tooth marketing board. Parents will be able to claim Tooth Fairy payments on receipt of milk teeth, which will be stored in a vault and will be used as a basis for Sterling in lieu of gold. Parents will be required to provide the government with all milk teeth as they are lost, and agents working for the milk tooth marketing board are to be given powers to enter homes and search mothers' bedside tables for envelopes containing teeth.
There were other manifesto proposals, but it was agreed that they were just crazy.
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