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Last man to fake Moon walk dies

Gene Cernan, 82, has passed away and has taken the secret of this elaborate hoax to the grave. Scientists now acknowledge that the Moon is a 2,000km block of cheese and that space flight is as unattainable as a connection on Southern Rail.

Filmed on a Pinewood soundstage, the faked moon landings are one of the most infamous tricks played on the US public; alongside the American Dream. The only genuine moon-walk was carried out by a Mr. M. Jackson in 1984, but he was soon assassinated by CIA operatives.

The commander of the bogus Apollo 17 flight, Mr. Cernan will be remembered for his commitment to the ‘long-con’ and keeping a straight face. The remaining six astronauts still alive are all sworn to secrecy or risk losing their membership to The Magic Circle. To this day only 20% of Americans believe the landings to be fake; less than the number that think Obama founded ISIS, Coke is the Real Thing or that being urinated on by a Russian prostitute is normal.

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