The concept that leaving the cork out of a bottle of wine before imbibing is 'bollocks', according to a wine expert. Fred Engles, of no fixed abode, has been drinking wine for years, sometimes from a glass. 'Never left a bottle to breathe,' he said today, noting that wine doesn't have lungs, a mouth or any need for oxygen at all. 'It doesn't have a cardiovascular system, a bit like me,' he said. 'If I left a bottle to breathe, them bastards from the viaduct will have it away anyway,' he insisted.
'Now this is a cheeky little chardonnay, or perhaps paraffin extract - you can't really tell with Australian imports,' said Fred, swilling the bottle around. 'Best served with Brie. Or anything actually. Whatever is in the bin.'